March 09, 2004

Toxic Avengers

When I was growing up in Dallas, I used to make the rounds with my mom at Christmas time to see the lights on the houses. It is impossible to do anything with my mother without having her give a running commentary of events, so it comes as no surprise that we ended up in a discussion of each house as we passed it, as well as a recap of each street as we turned the corner.

There was one house that had decorations I just didn't get. The house was perfectly nice, located in an upscale neighborhood. In the front yard, the homeowners placed a manger scene, complete with the baby Jesus in a wooden crib, watched over by parental units, all underneath a thatched canopy. Nearby stood the three wise men, an assortment of animals (not bad for North Dallas) and Santa Claus. That's right, Santa Claus. Whenever we would pass the offending house, my mother would go on a tirade about how wrong the decorations were and how sacreligious they were. All I could think was, "Way to miss the point."

That's how I feel when I see this website. Regular readers of my blog (yes, both of you) probably don't frequent law firm websites, but I've seen a few over the years. This one is, by far, the funniest.

Folks, law firm websites aren't supposed to be funny. What's more, it isn't clear from this website whether its creators intended for it to be humorous (though I have a hunch they didn't). Once I get past the initial image of the teenage-type-person who appears to have an extra chromosome, I am struck by the irony of this site. The site's "theme" (if I may, and I think I will) seems to be to keep it simple. Not a bad idea. Too bad their website doesn't follow that advice.

After inundating you with photos of people who either look like specimens from the bottom of the gene pool or who look like they've sat on something vaguely squishy, you're treated to their litigation philosophy -- summed up in a page so long you have to scroll down to read the drivel -- that goes on (and on) about how wonderful it is that they're able to take incredibly complex concepts and dumb them down so they'll be so simple, even a juror could understand them!

If I were looking for a law firm to defend my large, corporate entity in say, toxic tort litigation, this website might not be ringing my bell. Here's why: There are, without a doubt, some issues in toxic tort litigation that are complicated. Do these cases require lawyers to split atoms? Well, not exactly. To assume that you, or your law firm, is one of the only entities capable of understanding and parsing such issues as (1) duty, (2) breach, (3) causation and (4) damages is somewhat misleading.

I just get the feeling when I read this website that the firm is looking out at its public, wearing a satisfied grin and saying, "Don't worry about those arcane, convoluted, downright confusing lawsuits that plague you so! Our firm has a team of supermen who will whip on their Toxic Avenger capes and save the day with our dry erase boards and sharpie markers! We'll make those stupid, stupid jurors understand even the trickiest arguments -- Don't worry, you can pay us later."

Posted by Kitty at March 9, 2004 01:14 PM

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