March 25, 2004
Fatigue
Phobias are tiring. And I say this as someone who knows. Someone who has been there. Someone who just drove to Charleston, South Carolina and back, all to attend a 1.5 hour deposition. Trust me, I'm tired.
I keep thinking back over the past couple of days and wondering when it's going to happen -- when I get to be normal. I am so ready, and have been so ready, to overcome this crazy fear of flying, and yet confidence eludes me. Every time I start to make some headway in this one area of my life, I freeze up and revert to the same things I've always felt and done.
I was okay until Sunday night. I was scheduled to fly out Monday afternoon. Normally, I am a sound sleeper. I fall asleep fairly quickly and sleep like a rock through the night. When I was still awake at 1:30 a.m., I knew that it was going to be a long week. I closed my eyes and tried to drift into sleep, but my eyelids just fluttered rapidly, desperately trying to avoid slumber, and my mind kept going over and over thoughts about my impending flight.
Monday morning the sky was as clear as it has been in ages, a cloudless azure blue, perfect for flying. And when I was at work, sitting at my desk, pounding away on my laptop and trying to get some work done, I felt so alone. The ironic part, of course, is that I normally like being alone. I enjoy it. But this was different.
As I've done so many times before, I canceled my plane reservation and reserved a rental car. I figured if I was going to put 1600 miles on a car, better it be someone else's car. I printed up driving directions to Charleston, loaded up the rental car and sped away onto the Interstate. It was about an hour later when I realized that the car I had rented lacked cruise control.
The deposition was the easiest part of the whole trip. I met the doctor, who is incredibly kind, smart and funny, and defended him at his deposition with ease. I'm really good at what I do, it's just getting there that is the problem. Shouldn't the deposition have been the hard part of the trip?
Posted by Kitty at March 25, 2004 12:23 PM
Comments
Greyheadedstranger is right about missing out when you fly. I've flown into St Louis at least 20 times on business and as it's a day trip there and back from Little Rock have never taken the opportunity to experience St Louis. Chicago? - the same thing. After traveling to New York and taken the time to be a tourist at the same time, I made myself a promise to take an extra day wherever I go to just be a tourist instead of a worker bee. Funny thing, after that promise to myself - I find myself not traveling anymore! Such is life - - -
Have you ever considered booking a flight once a month - you and Justin - and flying over the weekend on short hops/special deals that come up on promotions offered by hotels/airlines etc? Maybe if you could do that say 6 months in a row, the exposure to flying regularly would diminish some of the anxiety you're experiencing. Know that'll sound especially gruesome to you, but think of it like going to the dentist. You dread it, but soon it's all over and all you'll need is a 6 month cleaning. Just a thought - know how special you are with and in spite of the phobia. - Sherron
Posted by: Sherron at March 28, 2004 09:20 AM
Shoulder Bag, Purse, Carry-On, Bag, Tote, Knitting Bag
Posted by: Puppets at November 6, 2004 09:34 PM
bravenet.com
So glad you are back safely. Don't fret over the flying thing, while it is faster you do miss all the beauty of our country. Several years ago when I was traveling all over the country, my most enjoyable trips were driving not flying. I still have the memories of rural america, in every sector of our land, that no one can take away. I would have missed it all had I flown and this is coming from a former pilot that loves to fly.
The other person's lawyer, regardless of driving or flying, did not stand a chance against you. You are the ACE of lawyers in my book.
Posted by: greyheadedstranger at March 25, 2004 03:51 PM