November 01, 2005
Post-Katrina Halloween
It’s been nine weeks since the hurricane and I still can’t wrap my head around it. I’d love to say something witty, like how just as I’m about to grasp the enormity of it, it slips through my waiting fingers. But I can’t say that. I don’t even understand that much.
Today I’m in Shreveport, attending more depositions for my cases. After today’s deposition ended, I ran through the rain to my car, wondering how good Shreveport’s levees are. I drove through rain that slanted at my windshield under a gray sky that perfectly matched the concrete of the interstate. When I got to the casino hotel, they had lost electricity in the entire facility except the slot machines. I walked through the casino on Halloween night in the eerie darkness with only the blinking of the slot machines to light my way. As unsettling as it was, it still felt more like home than the apartment where we’ve been staying since the hurricane. At least I’ve stayed in the casino before.
After every conversation I have with those in Katrina’s path, after every day that passes and after reading every article in the Times Picayune, listening to every news story and reading every blog entry I’m struck by the collective grief we all feel. I don’t feel like I’ve lost my home. It’s more than that. I drive down Carrollton Avenue at night and all I see are darkened houses with heaps of tree limbs in their front yards. I drive down Earhart Expressway to get to work in the CBD and the street lights sit hollowly without even blinking. I used to curse the traffic but now, I can’t even find any. When I finally get to a restaurant to meet a friend for dinner and we walk past the signs pleading with us to be patient because they’re so short staffed and we sit and wait for an hour to get our food, I don’t even notice the wait because it just feels so good to be doing something normal.
I don’t want to think about rebuilding. I don’t want to have to sit around wracking my brain about renewal. I want my life back. I want to have the luxury of living in a city where the first sentence of every conversation isn’t, “So, how did you fare?” I want to have an entire phone call with someone in my town without once mentioning levees. I want to pick up batteries at the local convenience store without having the tired looking clerk politely ask me, “Would you like a receipt for Fema?” I want to go to sleep at night and have dreams again.
Posted by Kitty at November 1, 2005 09:34 AM
Comments
It is still completely un-imaginable to me. Honestly it just breaks my heart but it is so hard to be sympathetic because we can't even imagine it. For us it took about a lot of tv time and we all cried about it but now we have gone back to being pissed about the war. I don't mean that mean, I just mean that its so hard to even imagine what you need or how anyone could help.
The only thing I can think of, is if you just want to come and rest you are more than welcome to come to Omaha. We don't have levees and no one would even bring it up, unless you tell them where you are from. Seriously, everything is just normal here. It isn't very exciting, but I don't think excitement is what you guys need right now. I'm not kidding you. You can come stay with me and read books and go to movies and go to dinner and just breathe. Feel free.
Posted by: SaraJane at November 3, 2005 01:35 PM
SaraJane, thanks so much for your kind offer. I've never been to Omaha before, so be careful what you wish for! I'm really glad that the rest of the country has gotten back to normal. It is bad enough that Katrina has slowed down New Orleans so much, but it would be awful for it to depress the whole country for such a long period of time.
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That about sums it up, kitty. I go through the motions every day but the anxiety and uncertainty are crushing. I'm beginning to wonder what our threshold for lifestyle adjustments might be. I'm wondering where the line is where we throw in the towel and say "Hey, let's liquidate, go somewhere else, and start over". That thought has crossed my mind every day for most of my adult life but I was never serious about it. Until now.
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