July 12, 2006

America's Got Something

I'm sitting here watching America's Got Talent. Can someone explain this show to me?

I feel like I missed something. I watched the first episodes where all sorts of freaks auditioned, and the auditions all seemed to boil down to some variation on the following theme:

Freak takes the stage. Judges say, "Hello Freak. What will you be doing tonight?"

And the freak says, "Hi, I'm Fluffy VonBeaverhausen and I'm going to sing/dance/juggle/do acrobatics/do a ventriloquist act/complete a 1040EZ form to music along with these handy dandy plates/balls/bowls/billy goats/bedazzled waffle irons. Okay?"

And the judges always say, "Okay."

Most of these acts look cool, but they're obviously one trick ponies. So, after they finish, the judges ask them, "Well, that was good, but can you ditch the ponies and do something else?"

And they always respond, "Oh, yes! I don't need these stinkin' ponies. I can do my act with penguins/stuffed animals/rolled up newspapers/ill tempered house cats." And they advance to the semi-final round.

Which bring us to tonight, when said freaks get back on the stage with the same farm animals and a slightly different costume and do a variation of what they did the first time. And the judges say, "Well, before it was good with the goats, but now the goats are boring. Why are the goats boring? Why? Those goats aren't worth $1 million! Take your goats and go home."

Now, chances are, if you saw goat-boy and his progeny in round one, you could tell that the "artists" had little more talent than the goats. So, the chances that they're going to be able to do something other than what they did the first time are slim. Hell, the chances that they could repeat what they did the first time aren't great, either. But never mind that. The judges drag these ding-dongs back onstage and then tell them that they can't get $1 million because they aren't......

And this is where I get lost. I don't know what these people are supposed to be. And how are the judges supposed to compare the 10 year old yodeler who learned how to yodel by sending off for the how-to kit from the back of the Swiss Miss container with the juggler who tosses around livestock?

I don't get it, and something tells me the judges don't get it either.

And don't even get me started on David Hasselhoff.

Posted by Kitty at July 12, 2006 07:54 PM

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